Competing with Myself

The past couple weeks I feel like I've spent a lot of time fighting with myself. Fighting myself to finish runs (some days to start the runs), fighting with myself to get schoolwork done (this senior year, don't care thing has kicked in full force), and fighting with myself in making decisions about my future. 

Running has become a good thinking time for me. Sometimes all I can think about is taking the next breath, but occasionally I get some other thoughts going. I've been thinking that competing with myself doesn't have to be a bad thing. I've always been a pretty competitive person, always wanting to be better so why not use that to my advantage in making myself better? 

I've been struggling with figuring out things that are in my control versus things that aren't. I don't do so good with things that aren't in my control. Its something that I'm having to work on and realize that sometimes I just have to accept things the way they are and not get all worked up about stuff I can't change. 


Some good news... Mexico is in 9 days! I cannot wait to be there. Its a feeling of going home for me, getting to go to a place that is so close to my heart. I'm excited to see Oscar and all the other kids and my friends that are there. I've learned to appreciate every moment I get to spend there and its the one aspect of my life where I feel like I do a good job of giving all of myself to help others. Its so easy for me to empty myself and give it all to the kids there. Its like another little world where I can get away from the stresses and stuff going on in my world and completely focus on other people for a week and that is so refreshing for me. People ask me about my love for Mexico and the City of Children and I just can't even explain it. It means everything to me. Its awesome right now cause I'm planning and getting ready for this trip and we have already started getting ready for our trip in June as well. That's a good feeling, knowing I get to go twice in such a short period of time... even though it will still be too long for me :) 


Lots of good things going on right now. Just trying to enjoy them and get a little better everyday. Life is good :)




Don't miss a moment.

Here is Where I'm At...

I just finished a 3 mile run and my first week of 1/2 marathon training. Gonna go ahead and say that in no way, shape, or form am I a runner. I've ran 3 miles one other time in my life and that was 4 years ago. I've never ran more than 3 miles at a time... that will change next week. I don't actually even like running... never have. So why is a non-runner who hates running training to run a marathon? Good question. One reason is that up until a couple months ago, I never thought I would be able to run more than a mile and a half at a time. The past four months, I have lost 22 pounds which has given me a change of mindset on what I can and can't do. Another reason is that some days I still don't think I can do it... and doing something that I wasn't sure I could do just sounds like a good challenge and goal. I have found that I do a lot better when I am working towards a goal, no matter what it is. And finally, I think this is something God wants me to do. I don't mean that God wants me to run a half marathon... or be a runner. But I do think that He wants me to set goals and have the drive and discipline to meet them. And I think He wants me to do great things for Him, things that I won't be able to do until I am more comfortable in my own skin, and maybe doing something I never thought I could do is a good way to get to that point. The running isn't easy but it does give me some good think time and I feel good afterward. 

Right now I've got two options for what to do after graduation in May. One option is to go straight to grad school to get a masters in counseling. Another is to go to Mexico and do work there for awhile before coming back to go to grad school. A lot of this blog will be the thoughts running through my head on these two options cause obviously it will greatly affect my future. 

Don't miss a moment,
Siobhan.